Raising Maidens of Virtue

I have been reading a book called “Raising Maidens of Virtue” by Stacy McDonald from www.visionforum.com. I finally finished it last night. It is an amazing book for anyone who has daughters. It is a bible study for a mother to do with her daughter. The suggested ages are 12 to 18. They also suggest you do the study multiple times in her life since with maturity comes greater knowledge, at least you hope. Now, I do not have daughters in that age range, but Meredith will be 11 in August and I wanted to be prepared to start this with her in a year. So over this next year I will be going over scripture passages and statements in this book to strengthen my beliefs in raising her as a maiden of virtue. I will say that I don’t agree with all of the statements that Stacy McDonald makes.

One of the last chapters (16 of 19) is called Delayed Awakenings. They reference the following verse:

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Solomon 2:7

This is the NIV version, but I love the way The Message states it:

Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe-and you are ready!

We have always been leery of letting our children date. We knew, from personal experience, that there can be a lot of sinful traps that you can fall in to. Now, we have known a number of people who dated, never fell into any traps, and lived very godly lives, but we feel they are few.

We have always told our children that graduating high school and getting a college degree are two very important things in life. If you are too focused on boys/girls and dating, you cannot be putting the proper focus on your education. Plus, what is the purpose of dating? To find a spouse. In Jr High and High School are you ready to be married? No! Then you should not be dating. A young woman/man who is guarding her heart and focusing her/his attention on serving God and preparing for her/his future, does not need to be stirring up emotions and temptations.

From the book: “That stirring-that God-given desire-when properly reined within a godly marriage, is a breathtaking and unmatched gift of God. Be patient and focus on preparing yourself. So many young women, even if they remain physically pure, waste their girlhood in discontent-yearning for romance and foolishly fawning over every boy they see.”

One of our jobs, as parents, is to make sure their hearts and bodies remain pure until they are married. We do not take this lightly. We did not have parents who did this for us and we will forever live with the scars of our bad choices. But we want better for our children and we will protect those hearts and those bodies!

Parenting by THE BOOK Part 1

Last week I ordered a new book. It’s call Parenting by THE BOOK by John Rosemond. I have been feeling very defeated by my children and this book came recommended by a number of people.

I have always thought of myself as a pretty balanced parent; strict but loving. This balance was a lot easier when the children were little and I had more control. But then the children started making their own choices, some good and some bad, and somewhere I lost my drive.

Having four kids in five years was rough. I love my children, but they wore me out when they were younger. A five-year-old, two-and-a-half-year-old, one-and-a-half-year-old, and a six-month-old, three kids in diapers, bottles, sippy cups, diaper bags, baby cribs, constant bathing, and laundry, laundry, laundry. Who wouldn’t be tired? Jon worked a lot and I was home by myself most of the time. I battled with depression and insanity. But I made it out on the other side.

Now here I am with a ten-year-old, eight-year-old, seven-year-old, and six-year-old. Some days I think, “Where has the time gone?” and other days I think, “When did I stop being the authority?” I have lost my position in this house. I am a maid, cook, teacher and nothing more. I can be those things, but a respected maid, cook, and teacher. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently it was. Over the next few weeks I am going to be giving my insight into this book. This is in no way prefessional……..just my musings.

Words that Kill

Over the past few weeks I have heard more gossip than I care to hear. Not that I usually like to hear it in the first place. but I know gossip is going to happen and you will always hear some. But the amount I have had to hear recently is pathetic!

We are all sinners and, therefore, will make mistakes. We all will or have gossiped at some point. I try to show a little grace to those who I know aren’t normally gossips and when I know their intent was not to hurt someone, they just let something slip out. I don’t take part in their gossip, but I try to help them see the other side of things. But then there are those who gossip with the intent to hurt another person. To them, I don’t show grace.

Sometimes I think if we all really worried about our own mess, we wouldn’t have time to be sticking our nose in other people’s business. I have plenty here to keep me busy. If I did all the things I was supposed to do, there wouldn’t be time for gossip.

We had a family at our co-op that were asked to leave. I don’t know why they were asked to leave. I made it very clear I didn’t want to know. We have a steering committee, and I trust their decisions. Plus, I realized that if I know, then I am accountable for that. When someone asked me, I could honestly say, “I don’t know.”

We also have a man at our church who is serving time in prison. I don’t know what he did and I don’t care what he did. He has since given his life to Christ and is a NEW CREATION! People asked me what he did, and again I could say “I don’t know.”

Do we really see the freedom in this? Once people realize you don’t know anything….they quit asking you. You are not privy to any gossip because they know you don’t want the dish!

It’s even more aggravating when you hear stuff that is just ridiculous. When people tell you that they heard a pastor refused to help a couple with their marriage problems…..seriously? You know  there has to be more to that story. But people will believe any juicy thing they hear.

Yesterday, I found myself in a conversation loaded with gossip. And I heard the poison coming from my mouth. I couldn’t believe it. I was one of them. I began to justify my sin. I had to tell that other parent. They needed to know what their child’s Sunday School teacher was doing on facebook. Ok, but did they really? If there was a concern, and believe me there is, I should have gone to one of our staff, expressed my concern and let them handle it. But I chose wrong.

I know how easy it is to fall into the gossip trap. And I know how hard it is to stay away from the gossip trap. It’s a lot of work, but a much greater reward!

Reflecting

Ok, so I haven’t been here in a while because I couldn’t remember how to get here. How stupid is that? I don’t consider myself a computer geek, but I know a lot and how to get around…this just makes me look really bad.

Anyway, tomorrow is my 8th anniversary. Wow, 8 years! Sometimes it seems like more. And I don’t mean that in a negative way. But I thought, just to show myself how sane I am out of all this, I would list the major things that have happened to us in our 8 years.

June 30, 2001 – Married!!!! I already had Meredith, so we entered this with a child, moved to Columbus, didn’t know anyone, felt very isolated until we found a church.

July 2001 – pregnant with Megan, ya I know it didn’t take long. I was very sick with her. So sick I dropped 12 lbs in the first trimester. Jonathan was starting his last year of Pharmacy school and doing monthly rotations, so his hours were all screwed up.

Sept 2001 – uh…911? Very tragic time. Even though we were not directly affected in Columbus, you still couldn’t believe this was happening. I remember my dad telling me that we would never be attacked on American soil, I couldn’t believe it.

Oct 2001 – moved to Delaware, OH. Loved it, loved it, loved it!

March 2002 – Meggie Moo was born, lots and lots of financial problems…

June 2002 – Jonathan graduates from Pharmacy school

Aug 2002 – move to Dayton, OH (living with my parents until we found a house)

Sept 2002 – Jonathan starts his first Pharmacy job at WPAFB, was pregnant with Ty.

Oct 31, 2002 – closed on our first home

Nov 2002 – spent lots of time at the new house ripping wallpaper and painting

Dec 2002 – moved into our home.

Mar 2003 – diagnosed with health issues related to my intestines, huge battle that would last almost 3 years

May 2003 – joined a church (that ended up turning on us)

July 2003 – Ty was born, in ER 1 day after being home, hospitalized for jaundice

Aug 2003 – Ty having health issues, facial swelling-strokelike symptoms,  never found out what was the problem, it just went away.

Sep 2003 – pregnant with Noah, still battling the health issues

Jun 2004 – Noah born – this is were it all went downhill fast. Four kids 5 and under…Jon gone from 8am to 7pm, I was having extreme post-pardom issues and by myself a lot-absolutely miserable

Sep 2004 – began this journey of Homeschooling!

Dec 2004 – left the church where we were serving. Very hard time

May 2005 – found a new church, Yea Ridge! One of the best places we have been.

Oct 2005 – hospitalized for health issues, disease had spread to other parts of my body. Very scary time!

Dec 2005 – Jonathan changed jobs to Children’s Hospital, convinced Jonathan to take a financial class at church, our finances were terrible and we were not even close to fixing them, but Dave Ramsey saved our lives!

Things have pretty much chilled out since then. There are always kids issues, especially now with Ty’s Asbergers, but that will always be there. It gets better every year. Jonathan changed jobs again and has every other week off, such a blessing. My intestinal disease vanished. The Dr’s don’t know what happened. They can’t find anything wrong. Still homeschooling and loving it! Jonathan and I always say we love our kids and we will miss them terribly when they are gone, but we look forward to it just being us…we don’t get a lot of that and we need it more and more every year.

I just read over the list and I can’t believe we did all that in 8 years. No wonder I feel so tired all the time!!!! I cannot wait to see what God has in store for us in the future!

Forgiveness

Which is worse, not fogiving or saying you forgive when you don’t mean it?

Is it better to say you forgive to smooth things over for families sake?

I feel like tearing my hair out. I have to be supportive, because that’s where my loyalty lies.

I don’t think about anything else. My thoughts are consumed by it.

When do I speak and when do I keep my mouth shut?

I pray. I pray. I pray.

Being Content

Can I marry you, Mommy?

My four-year-old, Noah, asked if he could marry me this morning. I hated telling him no.

Noah is obsessed with becoming a man. He is always checking his chin and underarms in the mirror for any sign of hair. He does everything like his Daddy; some conscious and some unconscious. Whenever I say I am getting a babysitter, he corrects me and says he needs a “mansitter”.

He gets nervous about not living with me. He worries about who is going to make his food and wash his clothes when he is older. But mostly, he worries about who will tuck him in at night.

He does know that he is not giving up his Superman bed and decided that if his wife didn’t like the Superman bed, she could sleep on the roof.

He will not go on dates, because his Mommy and Daddy don’t go on dates. (I didn’t realize this.)

He even asked if he could buy the neighbors house so he will be close to me.

He wonders whether his wife will be a good mommy to his boys. And he is only having boys. If he has any girls they can go live with his sisters.

He wants to know where he will work and how will he know how to get there. He wants to learn how to go to the bank so when he has money he can get some.

He never asks about spiritual things. Not that four-year-olds have great theological misunderstandings that they need help with. But he knows that God created the earth and everything in it. He knows that He sent His only Son to die on a cross for the wrong these he has done and will do. And because of that, our debt has been paid and we will spend eternity in heaven. (He can’t explain it in those words). He knows that God loves him no matter what he does. He knows that we are to show that same love to everyone.

He doesn’t worry whether he will have clean clothes, food on the table, or a roof over his head. He never questions his mommy’s or daddy’s love for him.

He loves to be read to. He plays the drums all day and loves to figure out a new pattern. He loves playing any superhero (right now it’s the Hulk).

I realized through this one little conversation that he is a happy and content little boy.

Jonathan and I always talk about how we wish we could go back to when life was simple, when we were kids.

But we can be just as happy as adults. We have a house, clothes and food. Jonathan has a great job. We don’t stress over bills (Thank you Dave Ramsey). We have a wonderful church family. A few close friends (which is the way we like it). Incredible kids. We are still madly in love with each other. And most of all, we have a relationship with Christ that makes all of those things possible.

We can be just as happy as a four-year-old. We can live a life with less stress. Just  by focusing on the things that are important.

Praying to the Porcelain God

I have many memories of being bent over the toilet and praying to God for help. I remember telling him I would never drink again. But a few days later I would find myself there. Well, I found myself their again, but for a different reason.

The children in my house have issues with clogging the toilet. We have crappy toilets, and yes, I said crappy. We have moved to the terrible toilet paper so there is less to clog. But somehow they still do it about 2-3 times a week.

In the afternoon the toilet was clogged. I worked on it for about 30 minutes and just couldn’t get it. I quit and left it to Jonathan. The kids and I spent the evening using the bathroom in the basement. By the way, the bathroom belongs to Jonathan and I don’t clean his bathroom; it is so bad even the kids don’t like it. But what other option do we have? Jonathan forgot to fix the toilet before he left for work. So, it was up to me.

I had spent most of the evening chasing forgetful children out of the bathroom and off to the basement. Once they went to bed, I thought I was in the clear. But at least three times one of them got up to use the bathroom before I could stop them. Now, they were sleepy and a little out of it, so they were forgetful. Finally at midnight I tried again. I was not going to give up. I took the plunger and used every bit of energy I could find at midnight and plunged. I was eventually on my knees, bent over the toilet and praying to God for help.

I had a little chuckle. It reminded me how long it had been since I had prayed a prayer while hanging over a toilet. So, as I plunged I reflected on my life and how far I had come and how much happier my life was, which made me laugh even more. It’s funny how God picks the weirdest moments to let you know He is there and has always been there. I felt the warmth of a hug around me. It comforted me a great deal to know that He has forgiven me and loves me the way I am. All of the sudden some stagnant toilet water splashed onto my face. It brought me back to my reality. Yes, my life was happier, but much harder.

Who knew one of my quiet moments with God was going to involve a plunger, a toilet, and human waste! God is great!

Delimmas…Delimmas…Delimmas

10 years ago I made the decision to give up secular music. It’s not that I think secular music is wrong. I just felt like my focus had been off of God for two years and I needed to be drowned in His word. I had just found out I was pregnant and I wanted her mind filled with songs of God.

Music is my life. I have been “schooled”, as my dad would say, on many genres of music. There is very little about the 50’s-90’s that I don’t know. I challenge anyone to a game of “Catch Phrase: Music Addition”.

I was never a big pop music fan. Country was my cup of tea. Even when I hear it at the stores, my heart gets a little tug. When I got married, my husband was (and still is) a huge Beatles fan. I was turned on to them. I know a lot about them, but I didn’t appreciate them like I do now. So, I guess that secular music has been in my life for 7 years. My kids know it and love it. But there really aren’t any lyrics that I don’t want them to hear.

So, here I am a decade later in a dilemma. Jonathan was at work, the kids were in bed and nothing was on the TV. I turned on the CMA awards. I was in heaven. I was sucked in. I am in love with three part harmonies. They are all over the place in country music. This music is singable. That is one thing that we keep saying at church. Is this song singable? Most current Christian music is done by males. This is not necessarily a problem for me. But a lot of them are not singable in the key they are in. A little frustrating. And I do mean a “little”.

I watched Martina McBride belt out an incredible song. I love her. She stretches me. There’s nothing worse than being safe when is come to your vocal range. Right now, I am safe. The singing I do at church is very safe. Fun, but safe. I have lost some of my range. I want that range back. The things we do at church are not going to do that. And that is ok.

Then I saw Rascal Flatts sing. There’s my three part harmony. I closed my eyes and let my ears fall in love. I am hooked, again.

Here’s my dilemma. Is it time to venture out from the “Christian music only” theme? Will I be safe? Will it allow me to fall back into my old ways? I don’t know that it was the music itself that made me stray. But the music sometimes reminded me of my past and that caused problems. But maybe it has been long enough, and I have grown enough that I can get past that.

This is some serious prayer. I’m sure someone who reads this is going to think I am being ridiculous. But this is a big deal to me. I don’t want to make the wrong decision.

Live Like You Were Dying

So, I was looking over some old sermon notes from church. My pastor did a sermon awhile back called “Live Like You Were Dying”. He talked about things that hold us back from living a life totally committed to God. He asked what was our tomb that is keeping us from doing God’s will. It was an open forum, but I didn’t answer, even though I knew immediately what the answer was.

My tomb…is my past. I know God is calling me to something more than where I am, but my past keeps me from moving forward. I have no problem forgiving someone else’s past. I know that God forgives, as long as you ask for it. But I feel like if people really knew my past, they would have a whole different view of me and I worry that it might cloud my mission. My words wouldn’t mean anything, because they would be focused on the past.

Sometime I feel like others in my life wouldn’t take me seriously. Sometime family doesn’t see you as the mature, grown-up, adult that you are. To them, you are still 9 years old and naive. But I am not 9 and I am far from naive. I am 30 and have lived a life full of ups and downs. There have been times in my life when I felt like everything was under control, and then in a split second, things crumble. My past keeps me from running to God, full speed ahead.

I heard a song a few weeks ago by Natalie Grant called “Safe”.

How did You know that I’m all alone, today
Oh I feel to scared and I want to go away
I bleed so deep underneath
My soul is screaming

I’m not gonna hide
I’m not gonna run away
I’ll uncover the scars and show You every mistake
Your love is mending my blisters and the bruising shame
Here with You, I am safe

Drown in the tears won’t make it go away
It’s robbing my soul so I’m taking this mask off my face, yea
To discover love and uncover all it means to live and breath

I’m not gonna hide
I’m not gonna run away
I’ll uncover the scars and show You every mistake
Your love is mending my blisters and the bruising shame
Here with You, I am safe

When You uncover I discover
I am not afraid
But when we’re hiding
We end up fighting
To be, safe

So this song makes me think that nothing can hold me back now. I need to talk with Jonathan about this stuff. He has some issues with my past. He has forgiven me for the past and none of it involved him, but he doesn’t like hearing about it or other people knowing. So I guess there needs to be some serious prayer here.

I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me.

First Post

Ok, so this is my first post. I had a blog once before, but I have forgotten where it was. So, I am attempting it again.

Things are tough sometimes. I mean, when aren’t they? I guess I shouldn’t say sometimes. It should read all the time. God did not intend for us to live a life of complete fulfillment. That it what heaven is. If things we wonderful and stress-free, why would we look forward to heaven? There are days I find myself looking forward to heaven and even dreaming about it, wishing it would get here sooner.  I love my life, but sometimes the stress gets to me.

I have OCD. Therefore I like to be in control. I have learned to not try to control people, but I can’t let go of the control of my life. I make lists. I love lists. Usually the first thing on my list is to make the list. I like to check things off, cross things off. It excited me. I recently told someone that some people do drugs. Some people drink. I organize!! It is a drug for me. I just recently heard there is a group for people like me. But I don’t think I have a problem. I think people like me need to be around in this world. It’s ok to be organized. It’s ok to be unorganized. But not me.

So, we’ll see how it goes with this blog. Hopefully I will not forget where this is.